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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28300341">sleepy and saccharine</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/draconian_dusk_nova/pseuds/draconian_dusk_nova'>draconian_dusk_nova</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>HLVRAI - Fandom, Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Anxiety, Babysitting, Benrey has a stutter, Domestic Fluff, M/M, ig, it's all very soft, sorry to normal half life fans, this is just one of our Benrey fictives projecting, we're validating Benrey's stutter thank you, what do we write that isn't us projecting anymore</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-11 01:16:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,627</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28300341</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/draconian_dusk_nova/pseuds/draconian_dusk_nova</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Benrey was not a morning person.<br/>He liked to stay awake until 3-4 AM and sleep until noon at the earliest.<br/>He also didn't think he was good with kids.<br/>Now he has to wake up at 6 AM and take care of a kid sometimes.<br/>How fun for him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Benrey/Gordon Freeman</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>89</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>sleepy and saccharine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>sweet voice notes used:</p><p>https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Y_TdePINatJlPvYI5kvA4ElPuqRgTwOiKXqckRxoM28/edit</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Benrey was not a morning person.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This was fine in the beginning, when he could sleep in for as long as he wanted without fear or a care in the world. When Gordon was still living off of the “hush money” that Black Mesa had given him(which was a lot of money and had lasted quite a little while, all things considered), and healing with the help of a therapist.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But recently Gordon had decided to try and get himself a job, meaning Benrey had had to take some responsibility.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It had started with getting him a phone and teaching him how to drive - pretty smart in the long run, and at this point he had his license. Pretty big fuckin pog if you asked him. The freedom of being able to go wherever he wanted to go, and also to know that Gordon </span>
  <em>
    <span>trusted him</span>
  </em>
  <span> - it made him feel really warm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>(It helped that Gordon had been convincing him to go to therapy as well, not that he’d ever admit that.)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But with all that freedom, came a bit more responsibility.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That responsibility being to babysit.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Joshua was on and off with Gordon and his mom, every other week. On those weeks, usually Gordon was there as much as he could be, but the man had a job now and couldn’t be home 24/7 to watch over the kid.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Meaning Benrey had to both take him to school and watch over him some days.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had, at first, tried to get out of it by saying he wasn’t good with kids, and that he would end up doing something wrong. But Gordon had countered that with </span>
  <em>
    <span>reassurances</span>
  </em>
  <span>, telling him that despite his fears he probably wouldn’t fuck up. At least, too badly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But here he was, at 6:30 in the morning, not even able to drink any caffeine to help him wake up because of how badly that shit fucked with his brain. Caffeine anxiety was very unpog and he wanted nothing to do with it ever again, no thank you. Also coffee was disgusting and that was the only caffeine Gordon kept in the house.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>(He’ll never admit that his caffeine problems had been happening before getting out of Black Mesa. He blamed his anxiety on the traumatic experiences from there. Really he’d been having bad experiences with caffeine for as long as he could remember. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d always had to limit himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now he basically couldn’t handle it at all.)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He usually wasn’t a very irritable person, especially when tired, he usually just got a little mumbly and cuddly. But he had to be awake enough to drive today, within the next hour(hour and a half?), and that didn’t seem like something that was going to happen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Being tired tended to make him more than just a little bleary. He had a stutter, that usually wasn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>too</span>
  </em>
  <span> bad - it had been worse when he’d first started learning English - but being tired brought it out ten-fold. And he knew it could be kind of difficult for Joshua to understand him when he got really stuttery.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So there he was, sitting at the dining room table while Gordon made breakfast, trying not to doze off sitting upright.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know where to go, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mmmhm.” Benrey hummed, a little bubble of sweet voice (pure white) slipping out of his mouth. “Got- got i-it in mmmy pho-one alrea-ady a-and everythi-ing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good, I’m going to go wake up Joshua.” Gordon set the bacon on a paper plate with paper towels on it to cool and drain a bit, which Benrey didn’t even reach for to snatch some. A few more little bubbles of sweet voice floated towards the ceiling, and Gordon gently ruffled Benrey’s hair through his hat as he passed him by. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was coffee being made, because, uh, something about caffeine addiction and withdrawal symptoms, Benrey wasn’t paying attention fully when Gordon was explaining it, and it happened a few months ago. You expected him to</span>
  <em>
    <span> remember shit</span>
  </em>
  <span>? Nah bitch, this alien brain had nothing in it but gaming details, and his other favorite things.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It didn’t actually take long for Gordon to wake the kid, bringing him downstairs in his pajamas still to eat the bacon and eggs the man had made. Seeing the kid nearly as sleepy as Benrey himself was, was a bit of a relief.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A relief that didn’t last long after breakfast. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The kid woke up </span>
  <em>
    <span>fast</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He went from bleary with sleep to wide awake, as soon as he’d finished brushing his teeth. While Benrey was still so tired that opening his mouth to say three words felt like a chore.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gordon had to leave after he’d helped Joshua get most of his morning routine done, so he’d given both Benrey and Joshua little kisses(Benrey on the cheek and Joshua on the forehead), and said goodbye. Benrey simply popped a couple of sweet voice bubbles in Gordon’s face as a goodbye (indigo first, then magenta) and watched him leave from the window, with the little boy watching too and waving enthusiastically.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-Timme...uh...wha-at d-do you...do- do nnow-w?” Benrey asked, looking down at Joshua curiously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I gotta get dressed!” Joshua darted away from Benrey and upstairs, and he just carefully followed behind him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Getting the kid dressed wasn’t too much of an ordeal, it went by pretty easily even though Benrey wasn’t talking all that much. He didn’t really use his sweet voice directed at the kid as much - it felt weird to even think about doing that type of thing to the little one, so he refrained. That meant a bit more talking than he otherwise would’ve done with, say, Gordon, but he was able to manage.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>By 7:20 they were out of the house and in the car, heading to the school with Joshua in the back seat. They’d get there before the school would actually be letting the kids in probably, which probably would be good. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This all happened without a problem - nothing went wrong. Benrey dropped Joshua off at school, made sure he got into the school and with his teacher, and then headed back home to nap, probably. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>This all seemed a bit too good to be true, but Benrey shoved that thought out of his mind for now. It was day one of bringing Joshua to school, it wasn’t too much to ask for things to go his way at least a little today.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When he got home, he set an alarm on his phone, just in case he slept for longer than he planned to, then crashed on the couch. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It had been dark and cold and the only color that wasn’t muted or gross had come from him, himself. There was no one else there and there never had been, until one time, there was. They looked kinda familiar but not quite, and he slightly shifted his appearance to look more like them. Didn’t want to scare them too much, this place was weird to those who didn’t recognize it.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And then they took him away. They took him away and he didn’t have to see it again until-</span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Benrey shot up and scrambled off of the couch, falling onto the floor in his haste. There was banging coming from the door- no, wait, it was just normal knocking. Not frantic or hasty or anything. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He went over and opened the door, only to see that it was just one of the neighbors, coming over to check on them. Well, him, right now, because they’d noticed that Gordon’s car wasn’t in the driveway and were worried.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Their neighbors on one side were an elderly couple whose grandchildren sometimes came to visit. They had made friends with Joshua, and the elderly couple cared about Gordon and Benrey a lot, and made it their priority to show it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Benrey managed to explain that Gordon had gotten a new job and he’d taken the job of bringing Joshua to school and bringing him back, because Gordon was working long, earlier shifts to start. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d convinced the neighbor to head home, then stepped back inside and flopped onto the couch. Interacting with people, especially the neighbors, without Gordon there to cushion him, was really rough. He’d learned a lot but he still wasn’t comfortable doing it on his own just yet. Fuck he wasn’t comfortable taking care of Joshua on his own for more than like, half an hour. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A couple of little bubbles of red sweet voice floated up to the ceiling, and Benrey stared at them for a moment. Right. Those could mean anxiety too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thank fuck Gordon hadn’t caught onto some of the more negative sweet voice colors. That one especially showed up a bit more often than Benrey would like to admit.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>The first week was a bit rough - but Gordon had given a suggestion for the week after. Get into a schedule. He didn’t have to wake up at 6 AM every morning, but if he woke up at even 8 AM and went to bed around 10, he’d get enough sleep, and the shift to the 6 AM mornings would be easier. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a smart idea, and had definitely helped Benrey out, especially as he’d listened and taken his suggestion.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Waking up had been easier - he’d been able to wake up and help Gordon make breakfast even, instead of just sitting there. It was still something that was taking him time to get used to - especially the alone time with Joshua. It wasn’t as nerve wracking anymore, and quite a bit less awkward for the kid too. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They’d all gotten into the routine - it was comfortable and nice. When Joshua was there, everyone woke up around 6 AM and got ready for the day. The indigo to magenta strings of sweet voice had become much more common, always directed towards Gordon of course. Gordon seemed to understand what they were around the fourth week, and had started to appreciate seeing them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So, things were going okay.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Until they weren’t.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Benrey had brought Joshua home from school and was making him a snack in the kitchen(just a ham and cheese sandwich), when he heard something. The sound of something smacking against something else, and then crying. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He darted out of the kitchen and over to Joshua, kneeling down and setting a hand against his back. “Kid- are- wh-what-” Joshua was sniffling and tears rolling down his cheeks, holding onto one of his arms. Benrey hesitated, then scooped the kid up into his arms and sat down on the couch, setting the kid down on the cushion next to him. “Ca-an I sssee? You’re ar-arm.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joshua sniffled and nodded, holding his arm out for Benrey to look. He gently set a hand under Joshua’s bicep and looked over his arm, humming out a few soft notes of blue. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a nice big red mark on his arm. Benrey gently squeezed a part that didn’t hurt and pulled his hands but. “I-It’ll be oka-ay. Ju-ust gonna brruise a li-ittle. M-Maybe be a-a-a li-ittle tend-der.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joshua sniffled some and wiped his eyes. “Thank you…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Benrey ruffled his hair gently. “Be mo-orre caref-ful.” He murmured, then went to finish making the sandwich for the kid. He got him set up at the table and gave him his snack and some juice.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It didn’t take very long for Gordon to come home after that, and Benrey pulled him off to the side to explain. “Thi-ink the k-k-kid fell earl-lier. Has a-a bruise onn h-his arm.” He patted his arm gently where the bruise was on Joshua, his lower forearm, the outside part. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gordon nodded and brushed some of Benrey’s hair back from his forehead to give him a kiss. “Thanks for telling me.” He probably would’ve panicked if he’d ended up seeing a bruise on his son’s arm without any explanation. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That night, after dinner and after putting Joshua down to sleep, the two adults sat on the couch in the living room. Benrey had taken his hat off and was fidgeting with it, leaning on Gordon with his back to him as he let him play with his hair. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was...thinking. Lost in thought. Maybe dozing off a little, but mostly he was just lost in thought, thinking things through.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s going on in that pretty head, babe?” Benrey blinked himself out of his thoughts due to the sound of his boyfriend’s voice, and a little kiss being pressed to his cheek, right next to his ear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jusst...th-thi-inking.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“About what?” Gordon nuzzled into Berney’s hair some, causing him to give a little giggle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mm...lots. S-Stuff. You.” Benrey set his hat down and turned to snuggle into Gordon’s chest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gordon rolled his eyes and brushed his fingers through Benrey’s hair. “Oh? Me? I hope you mean good things.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Benrey nodded and gave a little “mhm”. “Vvvery good thi-things. All g-good th-th-things.” He paused a moment, then mumbled. “Alssso...thinking a-about J-Josshhua.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about him?” Gordon was back to playing with Benrey’s hair, having access to more of it now even, and being able to cuddle him at the same time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I...don’t…” Benrey paused a moment, then picked his head slightly up and blew out a couple of mauve bubbles. He didn’t particularly care if Gordon knew he was ashamed, but also didn’t want to make it impossible for him to not feel that from him. He then dropped his head back down and mumbled some. “I-I don’t feel li-ike...the best...iiinfluencce? On h-him. Not...wordi-ing this ri-ight...bbb…” He blew a raspberry and took another moment to think. “I-I...don’t knoww wh-what to dooo when...h-he gets hurrt or wh-when he cr-cries. I-I’m not as- as good at th-thiss stuff...as y-you are a-and he has tr-rouble underrst-standing me a l-lot. And I-I donn’t...like the i-idea of using sw-weet voice to- on him. So I n-never ha-ave. A-and somet-times I-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gordon gently slid his hand over Benrey’s mouth to make him pause. “Take a breath, babe. Calm down a minute.” He did as told, breathing in deeply and slowly as Gordon slid his hand back into his hair. “You’re okay. You haven’t done anything wrong, if you had I would’ve told you, or Josh would’ve. He understands you just fine, maybe not completely all the time, but he can understand that you’re very out of your comfort zone when you take care of him. He really appreciates the time you spend with him too. You’re doing just fine, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Benrey gave a little hum (without sweet voice) and nodded, mumbling a little “th-thank you”. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They laid there on the couch until Gordon started feeling tired, then they moved to the bedroom to sleep. Benrey </span>
  <em>
    <span>had</span>
  </em>
  <span> his own bedroom, that had once been a guest bedroom, but once they started dating they started sleeping in the bed much more often. Benrey had tended to sleep on the couch before, when he had his own room, anyways. Sleeping together helped avoid that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t like sleeping alone. He’d learned that kinda the hard way.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Things...got better. Benrey managed to get over his thing against using sweet voice to communicate with Joshua, especially after a bit of communication with the kid on what it was and what some of the colors could mean. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He still didn’t feel fully comfortable - and he wouldn’t, for quite a while, he had a lot of stuff to work through and things to get past.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But things were getting better. And would continue to get better.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It just took time, time that they had. Because they truly did have plenty of time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Time that wouldn't be going to waste.</span>
</p>
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